INCIDENT CONSOLE / 01

BOOTING INCIDENT CONSOLE

  1. [ OK ] memory
  2. [ OK ] identity service
  3. [ OK ] archive
  4. [WARN] birthday protection
  5. [FAIL] age rollback module
  6. incoming identity package: HARENBY
  7. birthday anomaly detected
  8. retrieving incident log—
H_
UNAUTHORIZED USER UPDATE DETECTED

SECURITY INCIDENT

IDENTITY CONFIRMED*

HANDLE
Harenby
BUILD
+1
STATUS
still operational
UPTIME
another 365d survived
ROLLBACK
unavailable
THREAT LEVEL
mildly concerning
CHECKSUM VALID* *PROBABLY
03 / RELEASE NOTES PATCH TARGET // HARENBY

SUBJECT PACKAGE

HARENBY
RELEASE NOTES

BUILD +1
01

ADDED

  • another year of runtime
  • suspicious amount of character development
  • resistance to questionable decisions: +1
  • additional lore nobody asked for
  • ability to say “мне уже поздно” немного убедительнее
  • one extra year of pretending everything is under control
02

IMPROVED

  • sarcasm processing
  • weird-situation survival rate
  • tolerance to random internet bullshit
  • passive skill: somehow still functioning
03

NERFED

  • sleep schedule
  • willingness to deal with annoying people
  • available free time
  • belief that “я сегодня рано лягу” actually works
04

FIXED

minor stability issues never mind.
still investigating.
04 / DEFECT REGISTER

KNOWN
ISSUES

OPEN TICKETS: 005
PRIORITY: ignored

  1. BUG-001

    sleep.exe may refuse to launch at appropriate hours

    UNRESOLVED
  2. BUG-002

    money.dll occasionally disappears without logs

    RECURRING
  3. BUG-003

    social_battery may instantly drop from 73% to 0%

    WORKS AS CODED
  4. BUG-004

    age counter continues increasing despite repeated complaints

    WON'T FIX
  5. BUG-005

    “ещё пять минут” may trigger an unexpected 2 hour time skip

    CRITICAL*
05 / SECURITY

Birthday protection has been bypassed.

The system attempted to restore
the previous build.

RESULT PERMISSION
DENIED REASON

biology has root access.

06 / LOCAL INTERFACE

QUERY THE
SYSTEM.

Some records may be unavailable.
Others should have stayed that way.

HBY-01 / LOCAL SHELL NO ROOT

> incident shell ready.

> type help to list available commands.

ArrowUp / ArrowDown recalls command history.

07 / FINAL STATUS LAST CHECK --:--:-- BUILD HASH -------

PATCH APPLIED SUCCESSFULLY

FINAL
STATUS

rollback
impossible
next update
~365 days

Короче, система долго пыталась разобраться,
что именно произошло.

Выяснилось —
у Harenby опять день рождения.

Так что с днём рождения.

Новый билд вроде стабильный.
Старые баги оставили специально —
без них уже будет не канон.

Хорошего тебе года.
Пусть хотя бы большинство incident'ов
в нём будут смешными.